06 May 2007, 229.5 pounds (Second 10%)

I've decided to mark myself as less than 45% body fat too.  It's hard to pin down because I use electric resistance to determine body fat and that is all over the map.  But I'm seeing number's under 45% enough. And have lost 10% of my body weight for a second time.  For a recap, some effects of losing 10% of your body weight are: -Significantly less risk of diabetes, high blood pressure, cardiovascular disease and stroke. -Significantly improved body use of hormones, including thyroid and brain functions. -Significantly reduced arthritic pain (after just 5% actually), including reduction of knee pain which is statistically more effective than any available drug or surgery. -Significantly reduced cancer-risks. -Significant improved metabolism of the pharmaceutical products available to us. Lately --I've been back and forth enough to know that it's just "lately"-- I've been feeling completely relieved of my burdens of food obsession.  I think the main reason for that is that I've made a decision to stop fighting with food... it just isn't worth it.  At the beginning of this project I did think it was worth it- I was proud of being able to eat anything, and I was going to tackle eating all foods in moderation no matter how hard it was.  Now, I don't see what that was worth.  It's easier to just do an end run and not put myself in situations where I have to struggle. This has created another change in my eating- I had become one of these weight loss people who eat enormous amounts of vegetables to get the low calories high volume food in.  That was about control, not about recovery.  But I just haven't been that way lately; I'm simply eating less, eating when I need to eat and what I need to eat and nothing more. Lately.  I fully expect to have to face that obsession again at some point in the future.

29 April 2007, 231.5 pounds (less than 100 lbs. left to lose!)

Progress Pictures !!!! I think the wallpaper/shirt combo is thee most fantastic thing about these pictures!  But there is also that progress thing!  I'd say "tummy" is the winner from December (middle pictures) to present with thighs nearly a tie.  I'm seven-ish pounds down from the previous pictures, but there has been a half-marathon and a lot of walking in the meantime.   Also, went to a baseball game.  Was able to park far enough away to get free parking, walk there with my friend, fit in the seat... all sorts of good stuff that I could not have done two years ago. AND... got my 30 day chip this week.  For the first time in my entire live (as far as I know) I have not overeaten in 30 days.  Today is 33 days.  I think there is a very important point here: I have lost more than 75 lbs. total and more than 50 lbs. on Weight Watchers, all while binging more frequently than one per month.  Perfection is not required!!!  All that is required is not giving up and "winning" more days than not.

22 April 2007, 233.0 pounds

From my journal this week- "I used to think of food as a form of wealth- the more the better!  And then Weight Watchers was a kind of a budget.  Now, hunger is wealth- I'm hungry!  What can I spend it on?!"

15 April 2007, 233.0 pounds (50 lbs. star)

So let's talk about some NSVs (Non-scale Victories): First, I visit a friend's house.  We wanted to go out late at night when it was cold and she offered to loan me her coat.  I said, "Silly, I can't wear your coat."  Except that I'm a size XL on top and yes, I can borrow most women's coats these days. Then, I met an old friend for lunch.  She hasn't seen me in years.  She walked up to someone else who was about the size I used to be.  After realizing that was the wrong person, she still couldn't find me even though I was waving at her.  When she finally realized that I was me, she said, "You don't look like you!"  Oh yes I do!!

08 April 2007, 234.5 pounds

VFT!!!!  The first time I've seen this weight on Weight Watchers.  0.5 lbs. until 50 lbs. lost on Weight Watchers.  3 lbs. until I have less than 100 lbs. left to lose. Walking going well and have a structured plan to get me through my next two planned events, a 10K and a half-marathon.  Haven't been getting my fats in or remembering to take my CLA supplements and have been having some pain.  Today will be my 12th day in a row of controlled eating. One thing I realized is that I get a lot of warning about my binges.  It is not a matter of needing to control my behavior at the moment of crisis, something which is impossible anyway.  The entire point is to set myself up so that at the moment of crisis it is easy to control the eating.  The thinking part of controlling the eating needs to have already happened.  For examples, these were my two episodes of overeating: -Bought a different kind of chocolate from what I usually keep in the house and brought it home.  The first day I had it home I ate more than I planned to.  I could have realized that day that I wasn't going to be able to control this and gotten rid of the remainder.  But I didn't.  The next day there continued to be unplanned eating.  I could have thrown it away.  Then I started to feel that I just needed to sit down and eat the remainder all at once.  Again, I could have thrown it away.  Finally, I did sit down and eat it all.  I realize this makes no sense, why was the best way to get rid of it to eat it all at once? -Ordered dinner at a restaurant.  When it arrived I counted it up and it was more points than I had left for the day.  I just decided not to deal with it.  I decided that the amount I needed to remove was so small that it didn't even matter.  I realize this makes no sense at all, if it was small enough to not matter, why not just do it?  Probably if I were on some high number of days of controlled eating I would have done better, but this was only two days after the chocolate thing.

Had my first walk this week since my break that "felt right".  I was slow, but at least I'm starting to feel like myself again.  Today will be my 19th day in a row of controlled eating. I'm starting to get annoyed at people that want to be sunshine and roses about weight loss.  The fact is that less than 4% of people who lose 30 lbs. or more keep it off for five years.  Compare some medical procedures where people are very fearful of death: Only 2% of open-heart surgery patients die within 30 days. Only 25% of bone marrow transplant recipients die from the transplant process.  But 96% of successful losers regain with-in five years.  This fact motivates me to "throw the book" at my efforts, because if I don't do everything possible to succeed it is certain that I will fail.

18 March 2007, 239.5 pounds

Since the previous post I had bronchitis and wasn't able to exercise for two weeks, and then threw on a third week out of laziness.  Got up to a high weight of 244.0 lbs.  Realized that I need to throw the book at this project if I'm going to beat the odds (96% of people who lose more than 30 lbs. cannot keep it off for five years) and joined a support group.  Decided it's time to cut out the lattes (I fell asleep at the wheel a couple of weeks ago because I wouldn't pull over until I found a Starbucks) and maybe time to cut out the wheat (with Celiac Disease it is totally insane to be eating wheat). I'm eating 32 points a day (32 seems to be the magic number, on 30 points I start having starvation symptoms such as reduced heart rate and fatigue) and I'm also eating my APs after the first two.  Going off-program all that time pointed out to me that there's no need to over-restrict my eating.  I'm eating regularly day to day because using flex points in a flexible manner allows me to have an "on program" binge, and that would just go out of control.  So no more of that. Tried to re-start exercise and had like whole-body cramping.  Got a massage for the first time in more than 10 years, which seems to have helped.  And re-dedicating myself to regular stretching.  I've been walking, but the body really just doesn't feel right.

11 February 2006, 239.0 pounds

I actually made my Big Sur training goal this week in "virtual walking miles" on the stationary bike.  And a couple of real miles, and weight lifting, and a new thing at the gym call the "Cardio Wave", sort of an ice skating motion.  Funny, I was home six weeks and everything fell apart.  Back on the road and I'm losing weight.  I'm a woman that belongs on the road!

04 February 2007, 242.0 pounds

Between my previous post and this post I had gotten to a high of 246.0 lbs.  Finishing the Ing Miami Half-Marathon (my site) and looking forward to the Big Sur 21-Miler has gotten me excited again.  And I am not going to just walk... I am so bored with walking I can't even tell you.  This week I have walked (of course), but also gone ice skating, weight training, and used the stationary bike at the gym. The stationary bike thing was actually against my will... my foot is angry from ice skating so I couldn't do my long walk today.  But I think God had a message for me... while at the gym, there was a TV show staged at Big Sur.  Each time they showed that bridge, I teared up.  I really want to be able to do the Big Sur walk, and I'm going to have to be on-task with my eating and my training if I'm going to make it.

13 January 2007, 242.0 pounds

On the one hand, looking over this blog, I'm tired of my excuses.  On the other hand, I still have excuses: bored, bored, bored.  I don't feel that zest for wanting to be at a certain weight in order to run or skydive or whatever it is that I could do with my body if I were at a lower weight. I have realized, however, that this boredom is my fundamental problem.  I happened to have a chance to go ice skating for the first time in my life, which I took even though my #1 goal is to not get hurt before the half-marathon.  Anyway, I felt some of that excitement again about wanting to keep pushing myself and be able to do new things.  So after the half-marathon, I'm not going to worry if I can't make the Big Sur 21-Miler.  I've been pushing my walking goals way too hard, too much like timed weight-loss goals, and it's time to let that go and get back to having fun.  This summer I want to give skating a try, and I want to get back to the gym and weight training and other fun gym stuff.

24 December 2006, 240.0 pounds

Had gotten down to 237.5 and just couldn't hold with it.  The restrictions on the food are difficult, I'm bored with being home, I'm bored with my walking schedule.  Just not interested in trying. New progress pictures: Dec 23 - Sept 09  -  Feb 04

03 December 2006, 239.0 pounds (add'l. 5 pound star!)

As described below, a few weeks ago I quit eating my Activity Points.  In English, that means I set my calorie intake well below what my exercise was calling for.  I set it at about 1,500 calories per day, which is my Weight Watchers daily points plus half my flex points.  This week I started experiencing symptoms of starvation: painful joints (even my elbows), diminished strength (I was having a hard time picking up to a run to get across the streets), and reduced heart rate (I was at 120-135 b.p.m. walking rather than my usual 135-145).  The thing is, I wasn't sure whether to walk less or eat more.  I figured an opportunity for one or the other would pop up naturally and then I would know.  Sure enough, I was in a situation with excellent food and ate about 700 calories extra.  That did the trick!  So I've decided to add 100 calories per four miles walked, which should add about 700 calories per week.  We'll see if that pushes me back up over the starvation point.  I'm also tripling my oil supplement: I'm only getting 10-20% of my calories from fat, which is probably the cause of the joint pain.   Look at my new ID photo compared to my old one!  I had to show it to everyone: Don-cha see how skinny I am!!!   Also this week was my two cats plus two rabbits weight loss goal.

26 November 2006, 241.0 pounds (add'l. 5 pound star!)

Think I'm getting skinnier?  Cheeks, neck, boobs, hips... oh my!  Weight is the same, but I've been walking, walking, walking! (Comparison is October 17th to November 23rd, same shirt, different pants since the old pants don't fit any more)     Five Rabbit Weight Loss Goal!!!

19 November 2006, 245.0 pounds

Walked thirty-two miles this week, including my first 10 miles walk.

12 November 2006, 248.0 pounds

Spent five weeks on the road destroying my body and my mind (yeah, quit that job).  Also in that time injured my feet and had my walking schedule disrupted.  So now I'm back to walking and back to keeping that eating under control.

22 October 2006, 245.5 pounds (add'l. 5 pound star!)

So this is the results of the "scare off the weight" plan.  The plan ended up also being the bottom end of the weight watcher's suggested calorie intake for my weight.  If someone told me they were doing this, I would remind them how unhealthy it is and also remind them that eating disorders (this particular behavior is called exercise bulimia, the calorie restriction isn't low enough to count as plain anorexia) can catch hold of the mind and take control.  Ummm... I don't care .  I plan on staying here for about four weeks, and then increasing my calories again, and I feel completely in control. I do think I'll try to continue to leave meats to special events.  Meats like chicken and beef are truely one of my main trigger foods, and avoiding them does make it much easier for me to control my eating. I've crossed from obesity III- morbidly obese to obesity II- very obese.  And of course reached my next five pound star.

15 October 2006, 250.0 pounds

Finished off my chocolates and indulged in some pate at the beginning of the week, then hid away the rest of the pate and started my "scare off the weight" plan... no junk and no meat except fish... I'm going to scare off my weight with my determination!!!  I've been 250-254 since the middle of June and I've had it! In other news... went shopping and purchased a 14/16 sweater at Lane Bryant.  Tried on some smaller pants and it didn't quite work, but my current pants are falling off my rear... maybe next week. And was Thee Dedicated Walker... walked next to the Rocket Center in Huntsville, AL and walked on the Charles River in Boston at 5:30AM.  Dark in Boston and very scared... had my iPod but left it off and just walked back and forth on a 0.5 mile stretch of road where I felt the least scared.

08 October 2006, 252.0 pounds

Went to Paris, walked much, ate much, brought home chocolates and pate. Thing is, at the beginning of the year there was no way I could have gone to Paris and walked anywhere.

24 September 2006, 250.0 pounds

Nothing too interesting...

10 September 2006, 250.0 pounds

I've lost 34 lbs., which equals... Four Rabbit Goal!!!          And I walked 14 miles this week. New progress pictures below.  Umm... no, I didn't comb my hair...  I have to admit that I thought I was smaller... I've been feeling so fabulous with my walking that I assume I must look fabulous too.  The biggest change since the immediately previous picture has been in the arms and upper body.  In fact, I had to shorten my heart monitor strap this week.  Progress... "Current," 10 September 2006 BMI: 40, fat %: 49, Size: 20, Resting HR: 74, Mile: 17 minutes Comparisons starting at present going to oldest.

03 September 2006, 250.5 pounds

Okay, back into VFT, though I didn't get under 250, but WHO CARES.  Catch this: Set a new weekly walking mileage record: 10.25 miles this week.  Today, after weigh-in, set a new distance record for a walk: 4.0 miles.  Tried to waterski yesterday... couldn't manage it because of some trouble with my hands, but the rest of my body felt very strong and capable. I feel GREAT!!!!

27 August 2006, 252.5 pounds

So much for getting back to virgin fat territory (VFT), gained 0.5 lbs... but WHO CARES.  Catch this: Spent the week in Manhattan at a hotel I had stayed at before about two years ago.  At that time I walked as far as I could, and then turned back to the hotel.  I didn't take a taxi to Sears Tower because I wasn't sure what the deal was there and I didn't want to waste the fare.  Did take a taxi to Macy's and was glad I hadn't tried to walk because it was just too far.  THIS TIME: walk about 1/8 of a mile, get as far as I walked before.  Walk a little further and pass Sears Tower.  Walk, walk... here is Macy's.  Walk, walk, walk, see some green.  I did not just walk to Central Park!!!  Sure enough, there is Central Park.  Cry on the street corner in front of the Apple Store. I walked to Central Park every day that I was in Manhattan. I've realized how much I lied to myself about how limited I was before.  If anyone had said that I was only able to walk a quarter of a mile, I wouldn't have believed it.  In fact, I was completely unable t estimate miles at that time because I was so caught up in my lie.

13 August 2006,  252.0 pounds

That walking thing was a dumb thing to do.  Yes, it was emotionally inspirational, but I'm lucky I didn't re-injury my leg, I did hurt my knee and put a lot of stress on my body including my feet.  Even my heart rate monitor showed diminished capacity several days out.  Lucky.  Will try to keep things under control for a while, though so much for trying: I increased my mileage this week to five miles.  Starting to get some definition on the rear, though with the distended pannis I look a bit like a doll that someone forgot to sew up the front and therefore have switched back to a skirted swimsuit... two years or so until skin surgery, meanwhile, eyeing the girdles... Will miss next week's weigh-in, so by the following week I'll hopefully be back into virgin territory, this losing just to get back to where I was last month thing sucks.

06 August 2006, 253.5 pounds

Okay, I took a walk today and decided today was the day to let go and see what I could do.  It's been more than three months since the injury; I've been walking very careful slow miles one at a time for the last month.  Well, I did a 12.5 minute mile.  That is about five minutes better than pre-injury, and it is half the time of my first mile when I joined WW.  Half.  Half!  HALF!!!

30 July 2006, 255.0 pounds

Gotta get this under control.

23 July 2006, 254.0 pounds

Didn't count these last two weeks either.  Have started walking a little and have gone down half a dress size; I'll take it.

09 July 2006, 252.0 pounds

Didn't count this week, but good food choices.  Still difficult to get enough exercise because of the injury, though I took my first walk this week (2 miles @ 20 min/mile).

02 July 2006, 254.0 pounds

I don't even know how real this number is as I tried a doctor-recommended experiment of high-dose naproxin (Aleve) at the beginning of this week (for the leg).  That experiment was halted early due to complete misery, but naproxin is both a sodium product and reduces the body's ability to excrete sodium.  And a uniquely stressful week.  See what happens next week.

25 June 2006, 251.0 pounds

Very stressful week... difficult time eating enough and getting out to the gym.

18 June 2006, 253.5 pounds (add'l. 5 pound star!)

Went to South Beach in Miami Florida, wooooo-hooooo!!  That's me in blue!  I also purchased two shirts in extra-large that fit!!!!  That is, extra-large, no numbers, no plus sizes, just plain old extra-large.  And!  And!  And!  Didn't count on my trip to Miami but still lost and my fat percentage has finally gone down to the 40s.  Even though I've lost 30 pounds, my body composition hadn't budged this entire time.  And! And! And!! Down to a new lowest weight!  Finally, another 5 pound star; this was the longest period of time for one of those so far.

11 June 2006, 255.0 pounds

Whew!  Back to where I started a few weeks ago.

04 June 2006, 257.0 pounds

Excellent week OP and 13 Activity Points (APs).  Had a hard time eating all my food because of the heat and for the first time did not use all of my flex points, though my body is clearly asking for them.

28 May 2006, 257.0 pounds

Back On Program (OP) midweek.  One thing I don't understand is that when I'm not OP it is because OP seems impossibly difficult.  And when I am OP it is super-duper easy.  What?!?!?  It is definitely not that suddenly I've "found the willpower" and forced myself OP; it is just that one day I woke up and it was easy again.  I had done a lot of self-therapy; a lot of writing in my journal.  And also I started reading Being and Nothingness by Sartre because I thought some existentialism would be good therapy too.

21 May 2006, 259.0 pounds

Haven't been on the right track at all.  And still injured. :-(

14 May 2006, 256.5 pounds

A maintain!!!  It's all I wanted! Really a scratch and claw week.  Social activities almost every night and I didn't have any interest in exercise anyway.  This leg injury is sort of getting me down... or something... really tired even though I've been good with vitamins.  Ought to go get a blood workup, but no more time for that ---> on the road! As I've been freely passing out advice on the 100+ board this week, I've realized that there is exactly one thing that reduces fat, and that is muscle.  Everything else that surrounds the weight loss process is about getting the muscle to consume the fat.  But the only, only, only thing that consumes fat is muscle.  So weight loss is actually a muscle management project.

07 May 2006 2006, 256.5 pounds

I sort of lost it after hitting my 10% and gained three pounds; lost half of the gain this week.  I even had my first period of not journaling at all.  With some help from the ladies on the 100+ board and looking into my own problems, I realized that there were two things going wrong:  1) My success with Weight Watchers has been focused on a Zen relationship with the scale.  Not caring too much about gains or about losses has been key.  Celebrating my 10% messed with my Zen balance.  2) My success has been helped my focusing on goals in the future.  I have learned that focusing on bad things in the past isn't going to help me with the future.  Well, now I also know that focusing on good things in the past doesn't help much either.  I have a long way to go, so my energy needs to be aimed at the next goal. BMI: 40, fat %: 51, Size: 22, Resting HR: unk, Mile: injured Current pictures with comparison pictures from 17 February 2006. I feel like the waist line on the pants has lowered a lot, but in the picture I see that it at the same spot.  I can also see how the change on my abdominal curve has dropped my boobs; guess it's time to hike up those bra straps!

30 April 2006, 258.0 pounds

No, not really!  Chinese food at midnight last night.  Next week's weigh-in will be more fun...